Worst day ever (potentially)

Not really enough negativity in my life right now, so here's a list of bad things that could happen to me:
  • robbed
  • fall down stairs
  • scorned harshly
  • condemned to life of pain 
  • pranked on live television
  • sworn into office (my fly is down, everyone laughs)
  • get stuck on barbed wire
  • get caught lying (pants set on fire)
  • bad dreams (nightmares, even)
  • moldy bread
  • stirred, not shaken (Bond would not approve)
  • called out for acting goofy
  • past catches up to me
  • a 2012-type scenario
  • end of the Mayan calendar (another 2012-type scenario)
  • inflation causes a picture to be worth 10000 words (is it even worth speaking anymore)
  • soreness
  • wrath of the gods
  • things that seemed farfetched are suddenly not so (in a bad way)
  • haunted
  • no anger, just disappointment
  • concepts materialize
  • stimulus check doesn't cash
  • spotify crash
  • oxford comma is now illegal
  • banished
  • sent to the trolley problem (have to make decisions)
  • bored
  • ominous music follows me around
  • unbreakable time-loop
  • sent to the trolley problem (on the tracks)
  • bad fortune
  • unsatisfiable itch
  • robbed
  • bad fortune (from a cookie)
  • swallowed a fly (perhaps I'll die)
  • no more good shows (ever)
  • banned from every bowling alley
  • shoved into the void
  • nibbled at
  • day of reckoning
  • cut in line
  • cut in line (papercut, perhaps)
  • hole in every sock
  • called to adventure, adventure does not call back
  • swim with dolphins (they reject me)
  • general ineptitude
  • get spooked
  • tummy ache
  • P.R. 2.0
  • memory erased
  • wildly unprepared
  • mess up on Wheel of Fortune
  • 30 seconds to mars (way too fast, g-force kills me)
  • sleeper agent
  • painstaking museum tour (2.5 hours, no good art (no art at all, even))

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