OTLRN 1 (INTRO)

I can't fucking do this anymore. It's simply too much. I just can't fucking do it. Everyday, I go out and I act as if everything I do is normal. The fuck? Nothing I do is remotely normal. I should be going out to beg people for help, to ask for their forgiveness, to reckon with person I've become. Every single fucking day my sincere belief that I am the antichrist grows. There's no other explanation. The devil doesn't make himself known. He hides. He gets people on his side, slowly corrupting them until they've sunk all the way down to his fiery domain. I can hardly look at myself. How am I any different? Every action I take, I slowly take society down with me. The intangible fabric that has sustained our globalized planet is being frayed, and I am driving its destruction. I am what's wrong with the world. Not the idiots, not the bigots, not the goddamn politicians. None of them could exist without me. I am evil personified—the snake in our waning garden. I don't promote sin, or excess, or laziness, God, what the fuck do I do? Ramen. Fucking ramen. My one purpose here on this dismal, forsaken planet is 99¢ fucking ramen in a motherfucking child's backpack. Of course they don't see it how I see it. How could they? How could I? I didn't. For the longest time, I didn't, you know. Like I said, how could I? It seemed so innocent. It was so innocent. Nothing like that ever starts out evil. It can't, people wouldn't buy it. It has to start someplace authentic, someplace real. I'd say I was just about as real as I could get, and I'd argue that I was that way for longer than I should have been. I can't blame myself. It's hard to see it happen. To see the beautiful image of the world you created for yourself slowly manipulated into a horrific dystopia, and to then look down and see your own hands acting as the manipulator. You look up to see an infinite string, yet you are not absolved of blame. No, you've been culpable ever since you buried your only pair of scissors. It's a terrifying thing to have unfold in front of you. That's why I, like so many of my contemporaries, simply chose to close my eyes. Even after I'd been stripped of my innocence, it was a reality I couldn't choose to bare. My eyes are open now. I know what I've done. For years now, I've let myself believe that words couldn't accurately describe my actions, and as such, I have yet to tell my truth to anyone. But I've grown up, at least enough that I'm ready to share my story with the world. I can't hope to reverse the damage I've caused, but I can pray that I open some of the eyes that I've so mercilessly clamped shut for so long. My name is Oswald the Lucky Ramen Ninja, and, if you'd care to listen, I'd like to tell you my story...

FIN Pt. 1