CLICKBAIT TITLE

I didn’t have much time to write today guys, so I’m very, very sorry, but todays post will be quite short. I guess all I’d have to say is to never be without your magical sack of celery, which wards off all the tiny people so you don’t have to worry about stepping on one of them. If you’re unaware of the tiny people, then you need to get some celery ASAP, or else you’re bound to step on one at some point. The tiny people are all around 6-8” tall, and are all armed with tiny, 1cm long knives. If you step on one, they will form a swarm around you and stab you repeatedly, leaving you with hundreds of tiny pokes in your lower legs. Celery is one of the few magical vegetables that can ward them off, so I strongly encourage that you keep a small sack tied around your left ankle. Stay safe, stay alert, and stay prepared my friends. Much love to you all.  


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

OTLRN 1 (INTRO)

I can't fucking do this anymore. It's simply too much. I just can't fucking do it. Everyday, I go out and I act as if everything I do is normal. The fuck? Nothing I do is remotely normal. I should be going out to beg people for help, to ask for their forgiveness, to reckon with person I've become. Every single fucking day my sincere belief that I am the antichrist grows. There's no other explanation. The devil doesn't make himself known. He hides. He gets people on his side, slowly corrupting them until they've sunk all the way down to his fiery domain. I can hardly look at myself. How am I any different? Every action I take, I slowly take society down with me. The intangible fabric that has sustained our globalized planet is being frayed, and I am driving its destruction. I am what's wrong with the world. Not the idiots, not the bigots, not the goddamn politicians. None of them could exist without me. I am evil personified—the snake in our waning garden...
Read more

My top 10 favorite songs (revisited (again))

Had the idea to do another one of these last night, and it turns out I made the last one exactly one year ago today. The list had definitely seen some major changes in the last year, but I won’t give anything away. Here’s the list: Honorable mentions: America - “Sister Golden Hair,” Gorillaz - “Rhinestone Eyes,” Blaze Foley - “No Goodwill Stores in Waikiki”  10. Simon & Garfunkel - “The Boxer” Not sure what really got me into this song, but I just cannot get over that tuba (or whatever it is). I don’t think I have too much more to say just a beautiful song.  9. Steely Dan - “Do It Again” This song reenters the list for the same reason it was on it in the first place: the groove. Also, I think the mythos of this song has just continued to grow on me over time; the more people I’ve listened to it with, the stronger its aura gets.  8. Joey Bada$$ - “Waves” This song stays in my top 10 because I just can’t get over how smooth it is. Surely I said something along the same ...
Read more

Seat rankings

Today, I will be ranking things that you can sit on/in using an equivalent scale of juices (from tomato to mango). I know I've said this, but today I'm actually keeping the post short and sweet, so no explanations will be given (apologies if you disagree).  Tomato Juice: Stools Pear Juice: Benches Grapefruit Juice: Lawn/beach chairs Pineapple Juice: Regular-style chairs Pomegranate Juice: Beanbag chairs Orange Juice (with pulp): Cushy rolly chairs Apple Juice: Couches Cranberry Juice: Rocking chairs Mango Juice:  Bungee chairs
Read more