ALERT!

The time has come to talk about my favorite place on earth. I've never been there, of course, but while searching for a town in the north of the north of the world, I happened to stumble upon the wonderland that is Alert, Canada. Upon zooming in (on Google Maps), the town seems as ordinary as a town comes this close to the North Pole. Obviously, the residents of this town need to eat, and who better to feed them than world-class restauranteurs. These top-tier chefs take the names of Terry, Berk, and Frank, each of whom own one of the three fine-dining establishments that make this town a culinary landmark. Frank, of Frank's Franks, is one of the busiest men on planet earth, as evidenced by his jam-packed weekly schedule. However, despite his business dealings in both Utah and Milwaukee, he manages to make a living by forging some of the most delectable glizzys in North America. Make no mistake, despite the cuisine, this place is one of the most exclusive, high-end hot-dog joints in the entire world. There is a strict dress code, catalogued in by these images. Of course, this incredible, fancy-pants experience is perfectly complemented by Berk's Burgers, located just across the street. Berk imports all his ingredients from Burkina Faso, demonstrating his interest in serving only the highest-quality product. Of course, in all honesty, Berk's product is not as exquisite as Frank's, though that is a hard name to live up to. While the look of the food served at Berk's may vary, and at times look gross, the quality is forever upheld through Berk's tedious cooking methods. Last, but not least, we have Terry's Teriyaki, the most kid-friendly of the three restaurants. This place offers a wide array of family-friendly fun, including a swing set, an interactive experience with the staff, and even job offers! The teriyaki, of course, is top-notch, with Terry setting an extremely high bar for arctic dining. Also, there's a Tim Horton's, but Frank has a big problem with Tim Horton's, so they are typically looked down upon, and are slowly going out of business. Outside of food, things to do in Alert include spending a night at the world-renowned Red Alert Lodge, one of the nicest stays in all of Canada. Additionally, you can always take up arms at Ben's Gun Shop, a top tier firearms dealership, with the supplies to satisfy any aspiring or experienced marksman. You and your friends can take always take a dip at the T&T Pool House, or relax and watch a movie you get at the VHS Tape Rental Services. Alert is located on the water, so if you find yourself yearning for the ocean breeze in your face, be sure to stop by Yang's Jet Ski and Watersports Outlet for some aquatic alpine fun. Of course, it's not all play in Alert. The main practical service the town provides is the Angolan Embassy, which is one of the highest-reviewed embassy's in the entire world. While I have no current plans to visit Alert, it is certainly a bucket-list item that is slowly creeping its way to the top of the list.