airplane improvements

We need to make planes more fun. I'm boutta go on a long-ass plane ride, and I'm through with planes always being so negative about everything. First of all, airplane seat colors are BORING. Where's the neon? Where's the polka-dots? Where's the verve? Where's the excitement? Airlines are all about "we're so great, we have all the best things," but their seats literally evoke zero joy from anyone. In fact, they colors of the airplane seats actively make me sad. As such, I've grown to associate flying with sadness. That can't be good for branding, right? It needs to be fixed. Also, in-flight entertainment? I can watch TV anywhere, thank you very much. I want a SHOW. There should be a mic stand and a sign-up list on every flight, and so every trip you get a little bit of open-mic action to provide you with real entertainment. Or, maybe, just maybe, they could put animals on the back of every plane and have a little petting-zoo to accompany your travels. No one can reasonably tell me that that wouldn't make their flight experience better, right? Or, and this one's not even that crazy, they could hand out bubbles to everyone as they got on the plane, and then everyone could have a fun, bubble-filled flight where all the passengers would be kept occupied and happy for the duration. Perhaps, networks could record shows and movies that you can only watch on planes, and they all end in crazy cliffhangers that leave you just dying to get on your next flight. Shit, they don't even have to do like shows and shit, they could just write little ongoing (or anthological) stories that follow a fun cast of characters and their adventures around the world. They'd all be laid out in order on a comic book display shelf, and as you're getting on the plane you pick up the next issue (this way people who are in different places will always have something to read). If you read through the entire series, you can bring your collection, as well as an accurate summary (for proof) to the desk and they will provide you with a catalogue full of lore and background for the characters that should keep you occupied until the next series drops. In this economy, there's bound to be someone who would love to make these, or better yet, they could be pulled from a nation-wide competition of students as a program to boost creative writing skills. Every kid has to write their idea for a story that features a certain number of characters and a loose plot for them to explore that could be expanded into a full universe. Winners' stories from different regions/cities could be put into different airports (and different airlines could use different stories as well), so you can collect different stories by traveling to different places. Fan theories would develop, reddit channels, tiktok trends, this could be so fun and popular if the airlines were actually committed to providing the most enriching experiences possible to their customers. Instead, we get bland-colored, vomit-inducing seats, and the same movies/shows that pass as "entertainment." You want me to be entertained, randomly select two passengers to have a Supa Hot Fire style rap battle in the middle of the plane that gets played over the PA. Last week, I spent an hour watching "Family Guy" on a plane. You know how bored I have to be to watch an hour "Family Guy?" Like, I swear, these companies are conspiring to push me to the brink. Flying used to be something that people got excited about. They got all dressed up to go to the airport. Now, flying is expensive, overrated, and boring. Let me take a submarine across the Pacific ocean. Please, I'm begging. The best part about flying is the airport, and even that's getting kind of lame. I spent $10 on a Corona earlier today, which, in my opinion, I just shouldn't have to do. The problem is, I really want another one. Coronas are the best, and the airport is such an awesome place to drink, but can I really muster up the strength to go back up to the bar from my gate and spend another $10 on a beer? I don't think so. In short, I'm fed up with traveling and I haven't even left the U.S. yet. If that tells you anything about anything, I'm not sure what it would be, but I can tell you that this rant was mostly fueled by anxiety but it doesn't mean that I don't stand behind at least most of what I said. 

On another note, this will in fact be my last blog post in the United States (assuming I don't post another anxiety-induced rant right after this one) for a long while. Be not afraid, the blog posts will continue, but they will just be being posted from New Zealand (lit). 

Edit: this plane I’m on is so fucking big they could have like two, maybe even three stages for people to perform. Like I get the practical use of air travel, but they’re seriously missing out on this entertainment field. Smh